Birthday thoughts

My birthday is coming up next week 🎉🥳 and as I am currently on my adoption journey, I have thought more about my birthday. I wrote some of my thoughts⬇️:

It’s weird to celebrate a birthday when the one who gave birth to you isn’t here to celebrate the day of your birth.

Sometimes, it’s funny to think that I do have biological parents,

Birth parents that I have never met,

I do not know their names,

Their faces,

How old they are.

Except they are in my genes and in my appearance.

My hope is that they think of me,

Love me and miss me,

But I don’t know why they gave me up,

Or why I was put up for adoption.

If I knew that,

Then I might have a better picture of what my birth parents thoughts were of me.

I wish,

My only wish for my birthday is that they were here to celebrate it with me,

To hug and kiss me,

To take me back to the day and the pregnancy months my mom carried me for.

Nights when she felt me move.

When her water broke and the emotions she felt.

Was it excitement, fear, worry, relieve?

I wish she could see me now,

The daughter who is grown and has accomplished much,

But love cannot and should not be earned.

Love is who the person is.

It’s a gift.

I wish I could know her and my father.

What do they do for a living? I wish so badly that they were here.

What is it like to celebrate a birthday when the ones who brought you into this world are not here to help you blow out your candles? When you don’t know who they are and what they look like? All I know is that they are in my genes and my appearance. That is the closest thing I have to them. I miss them.💔

Freedom From Fear

I have struggled with fear for most of my life. Fear was like a prison and it kept me in a chain of bondage. When I wanted to speak up or something, I felt like it held me back, saying, “you can’t do that”. I have mild autism symptoms and so, I do not have all of the symptoms, but I felt that most of the things I have struggled with such as speaking up were rooted in fear. Looking back, I think I was blinded by the fact that it was fear holding me back and I lived under fear’s shelter for most of my life. I thought that I could never be set free and I would live under fear’s control forever. Until a few years ago. I started to pray that I would be set free from fear. I read many encouraging books such as “Goliath Must Fall” by Louie Giglio and “Live Fearless” by Sadie Robertson that stated I do not need to live in fear, but I can choose to be set free and walk in freedom. The LORD has shown me that I do not need to let fear control my life, but I can choose to run to Him for safety and refuge. I think my favorite chapter in the Bible or at least one of my favorites is Psalm 91. I especially love the first two verses: “Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. This I declare about the LORD: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety. He is my God and I trust in Him”. Psalm 91:1-2. He is our shelter and the place we can run to. We can find refuge in Him when the battle rages. I have also learned that I, myself, need to believe that I can be set free from fear and trust in God to set me free. Being set free is a process and it is a choice I need to make everyday: Will I trust in God or feed fear? When I look to God instead of fear, I experience such freedom and joy that can only be found in Him and Him alone! I just wanted to share a little bit of my story in hopes to encourage you to trust in God and that he is the One who can set you free from what you are going through such as fear, anxiety, unforgiveness etc. He is the One who carries our burdens and he is our Father who loves us.

I know most if not all the world is focused on the Corona virus right now. I actually was adopted from Wuhan, China where the virus was originated from and so, I have been following the updates as well. It is a scary and emotional time for all of us, but God knows. He saw all of this before we even stepped into it. I know it is difficult because we had our plans set in place, but it reminds us that life is not in our control. God is. He is above it all. I love that verse that says, “we can make our plans, but the LORD determines our steps”. Psalm 16:9.

With just one word God breathes, the virus and sickness would vanish. Many times, God does not take us out of our circumstances, despite our prayers, but He wants to walk through it with us.

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not fear because You are with me. Your rod and your staff, protect and comfort me.”Psalm 23:4.

I pray that you will trust God through this time and what you are going through in your personal life as well. I pray that you will be able to praise and give thanks to Him because we are merely human, but He is God, above it all. I know it is scary right now, but I invite you to press into Him and spend time with Him today. ❤️☺️

Thank you for reading!

Do you have any prayer requests I can pray for you today? ❤️😘

Loneliness to Joy

Grief can be lonely at times.

One word I would describe the past two years of my life would be grief.

The grief of the loss of my loved ones and then, another grief I have been walking through is my adoption from China.

Only those who have gone through a similar experience such as grief and being adopted know what it is like and it is not an easy path to walk. It can be lonely and difficult at times.

For my adoption, there is grief in the midst of the beauty. It is the grief of not knowing the beginning of my life, not knowing who my biological parents are, and grieving a life I might have known with them.

I have recently struggled with feeling lonely in my grief. In a way, no one can understand the grief and the loss I feel, because they have not gone through the same experience I have walked in and each person grieves uniquely.

Through the loneliness I feel, I have come to realize God is the only One who can comfort and hug me when I am sad. In addition, I have come to realize that He is my best friend who I can run to. He is my refuge and the place of comfort. No one can comfort like He can. He understands our grief because He watched as His own son, Jesus, suffered for our sakes, so that we can spend eternity with them forever (John 3:16)❤️ and Jesus experiences grief right before He raises Lazarus from the grave (John 11:33-35).

“Jesus wept.” John 11:35 is the shortest verse in the Bible, but it is so significant because we see that Jesus relates to our grieve when we lose a loved one. Lazarus was his close friend and he meant to much to Jesus just like our loved ones meant to us. Even though Jesus was going to raise him from the grave, in that moment, he felt what it is like when our loved ones are not with us anymore.

Grief is painful and hurts. Sometimes, I wish people could understand my grief, but they can’t. So, I need to look to God to help me walk through it because in truth, only He can.

“Draw near to God and He will draw near to you.” James 4:8.

I love that verse because we experience His joy and His beautiful presence when we draw near to Him and ask Him to come into our situations and our grief. I invite you to draw near to Him today, so that He will be able to comfort you because you and me can’t do it alone. We need Him. ❤️

It encourages me that I can find my comfort and healing in God. He is our hope and our friend we can run to.

You are loved and you are not alone in what you are going through. Run to the Father! I love that song by Cody Carnes called “Run to the Father”, because He is the One who understands what we are going through and He is our Heavenly Father who wants us to run to Him in all things.

Do you have any prayer needs I can pray for you today? ☺️

Introducing Me

Hi everyone!! Welcome to my blog!

My name is Anna Thorpe!

I am a Chinese Christian adoptee.

The reason why I chose “beautiful and loved” for the name of my blog is because it is a statement for myself that I am beautiful and loved, especially by God.

I’ve struggled with my identity. I have struggled to believe I am beautiful and loved. I am not what I think people think of me , but who God says I am. I think the main reason I have struggled with my identity is because of fear. Fear has been a lie I have believed from the beginning of my life: Fear of speaking up, fear of what people think of me and fear of who I could be without fear controlling me, but I never realized until recently that I can be set free from fear and it’s lies by the power of the name of Jesus. At His name, the chains will break and I am set free. I don’t have to life in bondage anymore.

There has been so much freedom I have experienced since I trusted in the LORD to defeat fear, but I also recognized that I also had to believe for and in myself that fear has no power of me and that I can defeat fear with God’s help. I will discuss my journey with fear in later posts (so be on the look out for them), but for now, I just wanted to formally introduce myself and say welcome to you! I hope you will be encouraged as you read my posts and know that you are not alone in what you are going through!

Thank you!

Hope in the Midst of the Grief

In my nineteen years of living on this earth, I have experienced incredible loss and grief that was unexpected.

In November 2017, my dad went into the hospital for a scheduled surgery, but little did we know that he would not be coming home. Those three months were as I like to call “hills and valleys”. There were high times where we hoped that we were near the end of his suffering and he would come home and then, other times where we almost lost him. On December 27, 2017, he took a turn for the worst and that day we almost lost him, but the LORD saved him. Though, from that day on, he would not be able to vocally speak. No one could understand our grief and the suffering my dad had to go through. He passed away February 1, 2018.

Twenty days later on February 20, 2018, my cousin was killed in a skiing accident and even though I was not close to him, his death shattered me. I think a few of the reasons why is because his death was close to my dad’s and the last few memories I have of my cousin are when he came up to visit my dad with my aunt and uncle. He was absolutely the sweetest and he was like me in a way because he had more of a quiet personality, but had a tender heart.

The two other recent griefs I have walked through are of my friend who passed away in December 2019. She was a beautiful and such an incredible woman. She was in a horrible car accident when she was younger that left her handicapped and the doctors did not think she would make it to the age she did. She overcame so many obstacles such as getting her law degree and encouraging her fellow classmates to pursue their dreams no matter what.

A few weeks ago, my grandfather on my dad’s side of the family, had a stroke and died the next day. Even though I was not close to him, his death shook me.

I cannot discuss grief without hope in Jesus. I am a believer in Jesus and I believe there is an eternal life.

I love that verse that says “Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.” 1 Thessalonians 4:13

The LORD gives us hope that we will see our loved ones again. Our loved ones belong to God because He created them and He created us. We are merely human, but God is above it all. The LORD brings comfort and hugs us when we grieve our loved ones. We cannot do it by our own strength. We need to rest and lean on Him to carry our burdens. He is our refuge and shelter where we run to.

If there is one thing I have learned about losing a loved one is that we should not wait to do a kind act or get to know someone. For instance, if we want to know someone’s name or get to know someone more, we should not think we have tomorrow to get to know them or to ask their name, because they and we are not granted tomorrow.

As I end, I want to encourage you that there is hope, but it can only be found in Jesus because He is our eternal hope. Second, don’t wait until the next day to get to know someone or do a kind gesture, but take the chance today to do it! ❤️

Do you have any prayer needs I can pray for you today? 💗

I Wish You Were Here

The tears I’ve shed

The sadness I feel,

The grief of losing you,

Nothing can compare.

It hurts to think I may never know or meet you face to face,

It grieves me to think I may have known a life with you.

In a way, I cannot imagine life without you,

But yet, I do and live.

I wish you were here to celebrate my accomplishments and victories,

I wish you were here to celebrate my birthday,

I wish you were here.

I miss you even though I have never met you,

I cry for the loss connection between you and me.

I wish you could be a part of my life, instead of just in my genes,

But I guess it will have to do for now.

I hope that I get the chance to meet you, even if it is not in this life.

I hope and pray you will come to know the LORD.

He is the One who comforts and loves us tremendously.

He holds us when we cry and He is with you and me through this grief and loss.

I wish you were here.

I love you.

我爱你